


Now's Not the Time to Panic

by trashpup



Series: 911, What's Your Emergency? [6]
Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: (minor character od), Angst, Dissociation, Gen, Gun Violence, Hospitalization, M/M, Overdosing, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Relapsing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:15:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23426116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashpup/pseuds/trashpup
Summary: TK gets triggered during a call, but things turn out so much worse than he could've imagined.
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, Judd Ryder & TK Strand, Owen Strand & TK Strand
Series: 911, What's Your Emergency? [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1663795
Comments: 3
Kudos: 115





	Now's Not the Time to Panic

**Author's Note:**

> i apologise in advance. i tried to list all the possible trigger warnings but i'm sorry if i missed anything

_“126, this is dispatch, the shooter is still active, they’ve got SWAT going in, you’ll be going in after, clearing the building, making sure everything’s good,”_ Grace called in. Judd replied and told the rest of the crew their orders, looking around and seeing everyone nod. 

As everyone got in position, there were gunshots from inside the building. Judd and Paul both snapped their heads to look at TK, who immediately looked distressed. He was slouched over, with his head in his hands. His chest felt tight, his vision was blurry, he was shaking, and he felt like he was going to pass out or throw up the contents of his stomach. 

“TK, you alright, man?” Paul asked, staying in his position, seeing Judd get up and move over to crouch down next to him. He returned his focus back to the building, but checked in with TK and Judd every few seconds. 

Marjan and Mateo were stationed on the other side of Paul, so they couldn’t see TK and Judd. Mateo had asked how TK was doing with the gunshots, but they couldn’t hear Paul; they did, however, get the general idea that TK wasn’t doing well with how Paul decided to mime it.

“TK, hey, you good?” Judd came over and nudged TK with his elbow, trying to get TK back to reality. TK didn’t move, he didn’t answer Judd’s question, he was eerily still, and it made Judd uneasy. 

He recognised the signs, he did it himself after the accident. His therapist had a fancy word for it but Judd could not remember what it was. The escape from traumatic memories. What he didn’t know was how to get TK out of it. How did Grace help him?

“Dispatch, this is 126, do you copy?” Judd asked into his walkie-talkie. “I need to speak with dispatcher Grace Ryder, now. Please.” He added in the please so maybe he couldn’t come off as demanding. 

_“This is Grace. Judd, is that you? Are y’all alright out there? I can dispatch another squad car, but Officer Reyes is already en route,”_ Grace sounded worried, she always worried about Judd, but knew the dangers and risks associated with the job. 

“Four out of five of us are; TK’s strugglin’ right now. How’d you get me to stop - uh - what’s it called? Shit. Hold on, let me think,” Judd paused a moment, trying to think of the right word to use. “It’s that, like, daydreaming thing, but more intense?”

“Dissociating?” Grace questioned.

“Yeah! That’s it. How’d you get me to stop?” Judd sat down next to TK, hoping that Grace’s tips would work on TK. “He’s pretty gone right now…”

“Well, mostly I just kept talking to you, I held onto your hands and did what I could to try and ground you. I never tried to forcibly take you from a dissociative state, I read that it could be dangerous, but I let you do it on your own, I acted as a guide or assistant,” Grace explained, her full attention on Judd and TK’s current situation. “Is it safe for you to move him to the truck? He might feel safer there? If not, Carlos will be there soon and he’ll know what to do. I can radio him in and ask him now, if you need me too.”

“No need, he just pulled up,” Judd shook his head, even though Grace couldn’t see him. “Thank you, Grace.” Judd waved Carlos over, hoping Carlos could spare a moment to talk to TK before he had to go make arrests. 

Carlos came over quickly, thinking Judd just wanted to clear things up before going inside. When he saw TK sitting on the ground with his head between his legs, he immediately knelt down and started asking Judd questions. Judd answered them all, before turning back to TK and patting him on the back. 

“TK, you don’t have to say anything, but can you tap my hand if you’re with me? Just one tap, baby,” Carlos slipped a hand in TK’s limp one, squeezing lightly to try and let him know that he was okay.

When TK didn’t respond, Carlos immediately moved to his next tactic: stimulation. He had taken to carrying around a stim toy for TK to use. He told TK where he was going and then bolted to his car and grabbed the toy, bringing it back to TK and placing it in one of his hands. He closed TK’s fingers around it and moved around so he was crouching behind the boy. 

“I’m going to wrap my arms around you now, let me know if you get uncomfortable,” Carlos paused for a couple seconds before slowly wrapping his arms under TK’s and squeezing him lightly, putting more pressure on his chest, like he knew TK usually preferred. 

TK let out a small whine and started thrashing in Carlos’ grip. Carlos immediately released TK, allowing TK to get away from him. TK scrambled away from Carlos and sat a few feet away, fiddling with the stim toy Carlos had put in his hands. 

“Hey, TK? Are you okay? What’s going on?” Carlos didn’t move from where he was sitting, he kept his distance from TK, unsure of TK’s next move. TK didn’t respond to Carlos, he just kept his focus on the stim toy and the shaking of his hands. 

When he finally did respond to Carlos, his voice came out broken and quiet. He stuttered through his sentences and could barely get his voice above a whisper. He thought he had been getting better with his PTSD and the sounds of gunshots, but today was proof that he wasn’t doing good enough. 

“I-I’m so-sor, I’m sor-sorry,” TK stuttered, his eyes trained down on his stim toy. Carlos stood up and walked over to the firetruck and grabbed TK’s water bottle that he had. He set it down next to TK, telling him to drink up. 

Carlos noticed how badly TK’s hands were shaking, so he held out his own hands and waited for TK to notice. When he did, he was hesitant to extend his arms to put his hands in Carlos’ outstretched hands. Carlos patiently waited for TK to decide, and when he did, Carlos helped him stand up and he led TK over to the firetruck, telling him to get in and drink his water while he had to go help with the scene. TK obeyed, gripping his water tightly. 

-

The scene had taken another thirty minutes to diffuse and then check the building, seeing one section of the building had been set on fire. TK sat in the truck the entire time, his leg bouncing up and down, his eyes travelling around the firetruck, searching for something to focus on. He was grateful when the rest of the crew climbed on board and sat down. TK stayed silent all the way back to the firehouse. 

They had barely stepped out of the truck when the alarm rang again, so they all piled back in, seeing TK still sitting in his spot, seemingly unaware of the impending call. Judd switched spots with Mateo so he could sit next to TK and talk to him a bit. 

“Hey, TK, you still with us?” Judd carefully nudged TK’s arm, trying to get his attention. TK’s head snapped up and he stared at Judd, his eyes wide and his pupils dilated. Judd stared back at TK, unsure of what he should do next. He held out his hand, sensing that TK’s anxiety levels were still higher than they should be. He noticed that Carlos did it at the scene earlier, so maybe his little brother would be okay with it from him too.

TK looked from Judd’s hand and back up to Judd, seeing that he wasn’t breaking eye contact. He nervously took Judd’s hand and gave it a weak squeeze. They sat in silence for a few minutes, listening to the sounds of TK’s stim toy clicking. 

“Thank you, Judd,” TK’s voice was quiet, Judd almost didn’t catch it. TK slipped his hand out of Judd’s and moved it back to his own lap. His leg was still bouncing up and down and his eyes were darting around the truck, not daring to make eye contact with any of his crew mates. 

Within a few minutes, the firetruck pulled up next to the ambulance, Tim had been waiting out by back, waiting for the firefighters to arrive. He checked his watch as they all piled out of the truck. 

“Bring the battering ram, we can get in and we aren’t getting a response,” Tim called back, already starting back up the stairs. “Apartment is on the second floor, careful of the gravel and stuff that’s been tracked in.” Then he was gone, leaving the 126 to gather their gear. 

“TK, you comin’?” Paul called, seeing TK standing by the truck, the battering ram in his hands. TK nodded and tried to shake the memories of getting shot from his mind. He followed behind Paul, climbing the stairs ahead of everyone, meeting the three paramedics at the top, seeing them standing around a nearby apartment. 

He looked towards the paramedics as they moved out of the way. He took a step forward, taking a deep breath and counting aloud. He wasn’t going to let his paranoia get in the way of his job. He wouldn’t let something get in the way, he couldn’t. 

TK hit the battering ram against the door, knocking it open, revealing a familiar scene behind the door. He froze, he couldn’t breathe anymore, everything was fuzzy and he felt like he was going to throw up. Everyone rushed in to assess the scene and help the patient. TK, on the other hand, stumbled backward, away from the door.

Judd looked back just in time to see TK hit the ground, his line of sight allowed him to see exactly where TK was, directly at the top of the stairs. He didn’t process what happened next until the low thuds stopped. Judd stood up and ran out to see TK crumble at the bottom of the stairs. 

“Dispatch, we, uh, we need a 10, a 10-45, code 3. We’re operating a man down,” Judd stuttered out, pausing in between words, forgetting everything that he had learned. He shouldn’t be seeing TK down like this. He should’ve made TK wait in the truck or back at the station. This was on him. Judd turned back to the scene in the apartment and figured that the 126 could handle that while he stayed with TK. 

“Fuck, i-it hurts,” TK groaned, trying to move his arm to clutch his shoulder. Judd ran down the stairs and grabbed TK’s wrist, stopping him in his tracks. “I-I’m sorry.” Judd slowly moved TK onto his back, seeing a rip in his shirt, and then dirt and gravel embedded in his shoulder, right above the gunshot wound that was still healing. 

“Shit, kid, I’m gonna be real here, this looks horrible. How much pain are you in?” Judd asked, although he felt like he already knew the answer to his question. TK didn’t answer, he just groaned in pain as Judd finished repositioning him, looking down at his hand and seeing it stained red. “That about answers that question…” 

“God FUCK, d-dad’s gonna be so - he’s gonna be so mad at me,” TK managed to laugh out, despite the amount of pain he was in. “The pain, the p-pain is t-too much, I’m gonna pa-pass out.” TK’s breathing slowed. Judd panicked again, desperately hoping the ambulance he called for was nearby. 

Judd could hear sirens drawing nearer, he didn’t have any medical equipment with him so he couldn’t tend to TK’s wounds, so he was stuck just kneeling down next to TK, telling him that paramedics would be there soon. He felt useless and there was nothing that Judd hated more than the feeling of being useless. 

TK was starting to wake up when two paramedics came rushing in, immediately starting to assess TK. Judd quickly informed them of TK’s gunshot wound, but had to quickly head back up the stairs, hearing Mateo and Paul calling for more help. There were two other people in the apartment, both having overdosed. 

“Okay, sir, you look like you’re in a lot of pain right now, so we’re going to give you some morphine to try and numb that for you,” one of the paramedics got to work, setting up a morphine drip. TK shook his head, trying to move his good arm to stop him. 

“No. N-No morph-morphine,” TK’s words were slurred and he could barely keep himself awake because the pain was so bad. It felt as if he had glass, gravel, and some mulch embedded in his shoulder. The paramedics didn’t listen to him, they injected him anyway.

Twenty minutes passed, TK was swimming in and out of consciousness, and all he could think about was how his uniform was ripped at the shoulder as well as in a couple other spots. Nothing mattered anymore though, as soon as he felt the familiar rush through his body, that was all he could think about. How much he missed it. Then he just wanted to sleep. There was no pain in his shoulder anymore and he was okay with that. 

For the time being, at least. 

-

TK woke up at the hospital, Owen and Carlos sitting on opposite sides of his bed, both staring at him. He felt cold, his body, although covered up, was covered in goosebumps. Why was he so cold? 

“N-No, they gave me morphine. I tried to tell them, I really did, I’m so sorry, dad,” TK’s eyes welled up with tears and Owen couldn’t wipe them away fast enough. Tears streamed down his face as he stumbled through words to form barely coherent sentences. 

“Hey, TK, calm down. It’s okay. No one is mad at you,” Owen held onto TK’s hands tightly; willing TK to stop crying and just to just listen to him. It wasn’t TK’s fault he relapsed, it was the paramedics fault for not listening to him. 

“TK, listen, no matter what happens, we’re going to be here for you,” Carlos had a firm grip on TK’s upper arm, gently rubbing circles with his thumb. “I love you so much, I have to go back to work for a few hours to finish up some paperwork, but I’ll be back as soon as I can. Stay strong, Tiger.” Carlos finished with a kiss to TK’s cheek, forcing TK to stop - even if just for a moment. 

“I have my shift in thirty minutes, are you going to be okay alone for a couple hours? I think the crew might want to see you soon, Marjan and Judd have been texting me nonstop when they aren’t out on a call,” Owen explained, looking at TK expectantly.  
TK ignored the pit in his stomach and the racing thoughts in his head, screaming at him to tell his dad that he didn’t want to be left alone. He nodded his head and told Owen that he’d be fine for a few hours and that he was pretty tired. In reality, his mind was focused on one thing and one thing only:

Getting more. 

_Now would be a good time to panic, wouldn’t it? Relapsing wouldn’t really set me back that far, would it? Who cares?_ TK thought to himself, trying to hold back a grin when he called the doctor in to complain of pain in his shoulder and to ask if he could get some more morphine, or anything to conceal the pain. 

The pain being completely separate from his shoulder. This was more mental pain than anything, knowing in the back of his mind that his dad would find out sooner or later and suspend him. TK couldn’t find it within himself to care enough. He just wanted to wait for the morphine to kick in again so he could chase the familiar euphoria that came with it.


End file.
